I'm about ready to blow this joint, Texas that is. Governor Perry is about about to be crowned emperor emeritus. All he's done is wallowed in George W's footsteps, even copying his relaxed nonchalance confidence. A politician is first and foremost a leader. George W. was what the country needed. Somebody shot us a low blow, and Bush just took it in stride with a firm determination to overcome. With that smirk he weathered the storms. Sure he had some blunders, remember "Mission Accomplished" and that video of him looking for WMD's behind the curtain in his office was definitely in poor taste. In fact I couldn't stand W. while he was in office. I never voted for him and I didn't pay much attention till 9/11. Then he attacked Iraq with Cheney calling it brilliant. I thought he was a religious nut trying to bring on Armageddon. But now I'm a litter older and I can understand things like threats and that you gotta do what you gotta do. I mean it's not a perfect world at all.

So here's a piece I wrote a few years ago. Now it seems a bit nostalgic. Kinda like when after 9/11 a friend said "Don't we all just miss Clinton"

George Bush's next speech:

Four score and a little more years ago our country was at war. Later we had another war. Those wars were called one and two. Now we've had some skirmishes since then, just little dinky things. The military calls them operations, because sometimes the world is sick and the US is the doctor. But the two world wars were big and bad. Now our eminent scientists have studied this and come up with some startling conclusions. Now I could give you some ho ha mumbo jumbo, but I'll explain it like this. Has anyone ever seen the matrix? [Wait for nods] Ok. So you know bad things happen in threes. That means we have a third world war coming up. [Look stern] And we've got to do something about it.
I am an American. My family is American. In America we believe in certain principles. Freedom for all. The right to pursue happiness. And above all democracy. That means everyone has a say. Now until now I've enjoyed my unbridled authority and demagogic policy [Smile] but my fellow Americans are important. I want y'all to know that we Bushes believe in democracy. I'll give you an example of one of our family's problems:
We all remember a former president who didn't like his broccoli. "Nope" he would say "I just don't like that vegetable" Yes I'm talking about former president George Bush. Well you would think that none of us Bush boys would like broccoli. But there's one who loves his vegetables. My brother Governor Jeb Bush. Remember that brain dead lady Terri Schiavo? They wanted to let her die. They pulled out her tubes [Make yanking motion] and were going to let her pass on. My brother put his foot down despite my fathers stance and said "Put those tubes back in her, were going to pump her full of nutrients until she's as plump and green as any vegetable" [Pound podium]... I on the other hand like to stay clear of the whole vegetable situation. [Chuckle]
In America we are winners. And once you're at the top, there is no where to go but down. So we must again make everyone love America. We must open our borders to all immigrants. We must allow no trade alliances. Free trade for all. We must increase foreign spending. Not on military operations but on providing medicare to everyone in the world. We must accept communist China's ideologies and I will personally invite Cuban dictator Fidel Castro to vacation with me on my ranch in Crawford, Texas. This is not going to be easy and that usually means one thing: were gonna have to spend some money. That means taxes. But wait wait wait. [Hold up hands] I still am holding to my campaign promises. In fact some people will even pay less taxes. In fact if you have more than a million dollars you probably won't even pay taxes at all, I think it's that way already but I'll check and make sure.
History has shown us that we can live from the sweat of the proletariat. Hell most of them don't even got TV's to watch this speech on. We will set up tax free centers walled off from them where we can live peacefully and happily while they pay for it. I know this doesn't sound fair and America likes fair. My advisers explained it to me like this. Proletariat is almost like pro lariat. That makes you think of pro rodeo. Now pro rodeo may be fun to watch. But you sure don't want your daughter to date someone who rides a bull. I may be from Texas but I know what cow dung smells like. Anyway I'm scared of cows, you ever looked at them, creepy. [shiver]
Once we have our walled tax free centers [WTFC] there will still be an evil facing our great nation. It won't be any foe from across the sea. It will be an enemy within. An enemy that wants to destroy all that is good and just. An enemy that will eat our babies. An enemy that is in this room right now. [Glare at the senate minority leader] My advisers tell me that the word Democrats comes from Demo meaning demon and Crats meaning Hitler-like people. They struggle against everything that I do for you people whom I love. We will defeat them and when I sign HB1394 we will be rid of them. They will be sent to a deserted island. And we will watch them on TV while they answer questions and compete in challenges for water.
Well, in America we are always looking up and our future is now looking clearer. One of my campaign promises was to protect the third amendment. So I set up the Center for the Protection of the Third Amendment. Little did I know that no military still quarters soldiers in peoples home. It's impracticable. So to justify their, shall I say mighty budget, I have given them the status of renaming things. So the CPTA is now the CPTAART (Center for Protection of the Third Amendment and Renaming Things). Due to their suggestions the following changes are announced. The moon will now be called the Gerald R. Ford Orbital Sphere, the sky will be know as the Eisenhower Zone and hello will be replaced with 'George Bush is Awesome'. Please start uses these phrases for the good of our country. And as incentive to use them we will be introducing a negative tax that is retroactive.
So to you my beloved Americans I say good night and to the rest of the word I say "George Bush is Awesome".